We're all still learning!

Eden is 12 weeks old now and she is so happy! I love talking to her, seeing her huge grin and hearing her gurgles in response. She's lifting her head up well, putting herself to sleep, sleeping between 8 and 10 hours without waking at night, and she smiles every time she sees her big sister. She is nursing a lot better now and her stool has turned back to mustard yellow--most of the time. She still spits up like crazy; so I'm thankful for my husband who finds some small pleasure in hanging laundry on the line!

Here she is posing for me as best as she can, but it is obvious that she feels like she's stuck in a corner.
This is how I found Selah yesterday while she napped. There is a long, ugly story leading up to this naptime--suffice it to say that I am never going to get used to disciplining my child. It breaks my heart every time. I can't stand to hear either of the girls cry; it makes every nerve in my body send terror signals to my brain--which then requires an awful lot of mental energy to combat the urge to give in and do whatever will make her stop crying.
In the end, I know it is better in the long-term to not give in. For example, yesterday Selah screamed "No" at me, which earned her a punishment. This sent her into another realm of angry while she lay on her bed screaming. I told her I'd come back later when she stopped crying. This is the first battle of the war in my heart and mind. I just want to hold her and stop the crying, but I can't let her control me with her crying. She's so smart that she'll use crying to accomplish all of her goals instead of using words or coping mechanisms when things don't turn out her way. So, I come back after she settles down, hug & kiss her and read a book. It was naptime...but she thought for a second and realized she needed a kleenex.
If you've been around our house lately, you'd know that this habit of asking for things at nap/bed time is getting out of control. She's obviously trying to delay our departure from the room. I said no to the kleenex and left the room. She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs for about 45 minutes before passing out in exhaustion, as I imagine it went. I can't count the number of times I thought, "I could just give her the kleenex and this would be over." (Don't forget how I've already described the pain I endure when she cries.) But the smarter part of me speaks louder reminding me that I can't just give in. In the long run, she has to learn some lessons so that we'll have a happy family and so she can cope with life.
The list of things that we learn and endure as parents is longer and more over-whelming than I imagined. It's all worth it and I couldn't do it without 4 biggies in my life: a God who strengthens and teaches me, a supportive and encouraging husband, parents that were great models for me and support from friends that have already walked this road or are currently walking it with me. Thanks everyone and praise the Lord for His love endures forever and He is always patient with me!